I did my first ayahuasca ceremony in Peru in September. It was by far the most difficult, yet life-changing thing I've ever done. I, too, wanted to keep it in and had a hard time with anxiety in the beginning. Part of my journey, though, was painful and loud purging to release and let go of everything I've kept locked inside of me for so long. I've since been working to integrate more exercises and chants into my weekly practices to open my throat more.