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I’m Not a Bad Person, But I Did a Bad Thing
And now I’m paying the consequences
One choice. That’s all it takes to cause chaos and destruction.
I made an awful choice last weekend that I’m bearing the consequences of, and they are heavy consequences. I’m anxious about the uncertainty that lies ahead and can’t seem to put out what feels like hot embers in my stomach, heart, and mind.
I’m angry at myself for the mess I’ve caused and the way I’ve failed to show love to those I care about. How do I continue forward with such intense feelings of shame, disgust, and embarrassment? I just don’t know.
One choice and I am filled with regret. I cannot eat or think straight and don’t feel I deserve to. I’ve had one panic attack after another. Finally, I fall asleep but am jolted awake by the harsh reality that this isn’t a dream; this is a living nightmare I cannot wake up from… one where I am the monster.
Taylor Swift’s song, Anti-Hero sums it up pretty well:
